1. Prelude: Newton¡¯s Apple
Tree
In the year 1666, Issac Newton traveled from Cambridge to
visit his mother in Lincolnshire. One day, while relaxing
in a garden, he saw an apple falling from an apple tree¡
Apples had been falling from trees for millions of years
prior to that day, and their fallings had meant nothing to
men since the time of Adam and Eve, but to Newton, it was
an enlightenment. The force that brought the apple to the
ground, he reasoned, should also apply to the objects far
away from the earth such as the moon. Not long after
he witnessed the apple¡¯s falling, he deduced a universal
law of gravitation, stating that any two objects exert a
gravitational force of attraction on each other. The law
took in the form of the following equation:
F12=G(m1*m2)/R2
In which F is the force, m¡¯s represent the masses of the
two objects, and R is the distance between the two
objects, with G as a constant of 6.67 x 10- 11 N m 2 /kg
2.
It was a groundbreaking event in the history of physics.
Years later, an aspiring young scholar and educator,
Kington, was taking a walk by the beautiful Dragon River
running across the Dragon Valley, when an apple fell from
a branch of an apple tree, and bounced off his head.
"It is an omen." Kington, who had a passion for
physics and Bruce Lee, was rejoiced. "It implies that
this place is a perfect location for a school." Less
than a year later, the construction for a high school
began10 feet away from the exact spot where Kington was
hit in the head by the apple. A year later, the
construction was completed. To commemorate the ominous
event, Kington named the school "Newton High
School," and Kington became the first principal of
Newton High.
Newton High soon acquired the reputation of being one of
the finest high schools in the Bean Town area. Principal
Kington was proud of the school¡¯s achievements, and he
never forgot that ominous day. According to his close
circle of friends, Principal Kington always attributed his
school¡¯s success to a wonderful apple tree, to which the
principal referred as the "Newton¡¯s apple
tree."
2. The Greatest Man in the Universe
Eddie, at age of 16, was a sophomore in Newton High
School, and one of the only two high school students
living in the Village of Dragon Shadows. Wong Fei Hung,
Kei Ying¡¯s son, was the other high school student. Fei
Hung was only 12, but due to his father¡¯s efficient home
tutoring, he had skipped several grades. Unfortunately, to
his father¡¯s great disappointment, he did not get into
Newton High.
No one should blame Fei Hung for that, though.
It was all Principal Kington¡¯s fault. Principal Kington,
on top of asking anyone who applied ot Newton High many
questions regarding the academic, social and athletic
backgrounds and achievements, was known to ask a very
personal question every time. "Who do you think is
the greatest man in the whole universe?"
The principal expected every single prospective student to
reply in great enthusiasm: Bruce Lee, even if the student
might have had some other choices.
However, since everyone knew that the principal was a
rabid, die-hard fan of Bruce¡¯s, no one had ever failed
to answer the notorious question, that is, before Fei
Hung¡¯s disastrous interview.
A year ago, Fei Hung and Eddie had their interviews with
the principal on the same day. For some unexplainable
reasons, Eddie genuinely believed Bruce was the greatest
man in the world, so when asked the question, Eddie
automatically burst out the name: Bruce Lee.
He was admitted on the spot!
Kei Ying had expected his son to pass as easily as Eddie.
He had so much hope for his son to go to the best school
in the district. On the way to the interview he reminded
his son 43 times that Bruce Lee had to be the answer to
that very question.
But one bizarre incident happened during Fei Hung¡¯s
interview. Just as Principal Kington asked the question, a
very old, and huge 777 Jet flew overhead with terribly
loud noises. The Jet was on its way to an exhibition
titled "the History of Human Aviation," which
was to be held in the Bean Town Space Center Museum. It
experienced some minor problems, and had been instructed
to land in the nearest airfield, the Dragon Valley
Airfield.
Fei Hung, then only 12, was used to seeing and flying in
space shuttles only, since Jets like that had gone pretty
much obsolete. When he heard the loud noises, he
looked up out of curiosity, and was very much shocked by
the sight of a real jet, thus briefly lost his
concentration.
At that very moment Principal Kington asked him the
question, "Who do you think is the greatest man in
the world?" Fei Hung, still dazzled by the
sight of the Jet, uttered in some kind of delirious state,
"Oh¡ a JET¡ Lee?"
Fei Hung was rejected on the spot!
Eddie spent the next three days trying to console his
devastated young friend, who kept repeating the same
thing, "Why did I say that? Why?!!!!"
When Fei Hung finally calmed down, Eddie took him out for
some ice cream, and the two went to see a movie, no,
actually three movies, the Lord of the Rings!
Fei Hung definitely felt so much better after seeing some
cute hobbits.
Eddie, without his young friend Fei Hung, began his
studies at Newton High.
3. The Replacement Killer (oops, the Replacement Testee)
Since Eddie was the only high school student who had the
honor of attending Newton High, how well he was doing at
school was the focus of every other Dragon Shadower¡¯s
attention, thus Eddie frequently received various kinds of
assistance from his fellow residents with his homework.
Eddie was not the most exemplary student you could ask
for. He was very smart, and he could throw a kick 0.002
inch away from your nose and freeze there, without harming
you, and he could break dance on top of that¡
He was very diligent with practicing kicking, punching or
break-dancing¡all of which, however, did not necessarily
translate into any serious interests in his homework. The
more he did not do his homework, the more guilty he felt
for not doing them. So frequently he had to find help from
his fellow Dragon Shadowers.
Different people had different styles when it came down of
providing help to Eddie. To Tang Shan and Shiang Chin-Fei,
anything complicated or difficult to Eddie would look
trivial. However, Eddie hesitated to ask
either of them, especially since Jin Ke had given him the
most chilling account of his own near-death experience
with those two gentlemen.
Shiang Chin-Fei was always explaining everything
painstakingly down to their minute details, and
approaching any problem from 360 different but often
unnecessary angles. Tang Shan was better, if only he could
speak in languages Eddie understood. Eddie did not even
know what "veritas" meant, while Tang Shan could
recite an entire medical book in Latin. Unless Eddie ran
out of people for help, he would never bother those two.
Oh well, so much for the purpose of these two
gentlemen¡¯s existence to educate the eager young minds
of today.
The Police officers were Eddie¡¯s favorites.
Unfortunately, Lone Seven, Donny, Chiang Ho-Wa, these
three were hard to catch since as members of the elite
Inter-galaxy Police Force, they were constantly on the
moves in their efforts of apprehending every single
criminal in the Universe. Cat, a former police officer,
had adopted a secretive nocturnal life-syle, so Eddie, who
could never get up before 6 am, hardly saw him as well.
One thing was certain, however, that these four were no
less willing to help Eddie, and Eddie still enjoyed their
company and looked forward to seeing them always.
As for Lin Dan, Alan and Chen Jun¡It really depended on
luck. If it¡¯s something to do with car mechanics, yes,
they could help. But asking them for help on history, or
math would be hopeless.
Eddie once enlisted Alan¡¯s help to write a paper on the
great American Presidents. Alas, Alan wrote something
about Theodore Roosevelt saved America from the Great
Depression! So long FDR.
Eddie got a lowly D- for the paper.
Wong Kei Ying, though a strict father to Fei Hung, was
super nice to Eddie. It would have been great if Eddie
could ask Kei Ying some questions, but besides having a
teacher with Herb as her last name, Eddie had not found
herbs relevant to any of his classes.
Nan Lan¡¯s knowledge of English Literature was superb.To
Eddie's disappointment again, Eddie¡¯s English class
required him to recite Emerson¡¯s poems in front of his
teacher and classmates IN class, not OUTSIDE. Nan
Lan¡¯s half-shaved head would have been too conspicuous.
It was not entirely hopeless for Eddie to get help,
though.
Tsao Siu-Yin did not have much time to spare for Eddie,
but when he was in a good mood, and not too busy with his
routines, you know, sitting in a comfy rocking chair,
playing with kerchiefs, and trying to determine which was
the best among the newest brands of French perfumes, he
could write a few essays or even poems in Chinese for
Eddie, who would in turn hand them in to his Chinese
teacher, Ms. Ashley Herb.
On one hand, Ashley did not believe Eddie could write
anything remotely close to being decent like that.
On the other hand, she was very fond of Eddie.
The first time Ashley saw Eddie, was when Eddie was
demonstrating his kicking skills he had learned from his
fellow Dragon Shadowers, such as Chen Jun and Wong Kei
Ying, to his classmates. Ashely walked in the classroom at
the same time Eddie was in the process of a jumping back
kick¡
Ashley received prompt visits from two of the most
handsome doctors later that day, Wong Kei Ying and Tang
Shan, so her pain was forgotten soon. Besides, ever since
that day, every time Eddie saw Ashley he would flash this
cute if somewhat goofy smile to her apologetically, and he
never forgot to present her a big, tasty apple (Fuji,
Ashley¡¯s favorite) on Teacher¡¯s Day.
Ashley really started to like Eddie. So despite her
suspicions, she continued to give Eddie high marks in
Chinese.
To Eddie¡¯s bliss, besides Tsao Siu Yin, there was always
the most revered and beloved figure, the noble Sky.
Sky himself was not in a very good position to help Eddie.
His interests were, Go and Gu Qin. Eddie¡¯s interests
were: hip-hop, and more hip-hop. So¡ you see, the two
could not be more dissimilar from each other. But
Sky had one person at his command who could help Eddie, a
lot, and more:
"Trouble, thy name is Jin Ke." ¡
Jin Ke was not an impeccable model citizen of the United
Stars. He was a wild horse no one could rein in but Sky.
How Sky managed that remained a mystery, but everyone knew
that Jin Ke would never defy Sky¡¯s wishes.
If Sky told Jin Ke to help Eddie with physics at 7pm on
Wednesday night, Jin Ke would not show up at Eddie¡¯s
door later than 7:05pm that night without the following
textbooks: Quantum mechanics, Superconductivity,
Relativity, Thermodynamics, etc.¡ If Sky insisted that
Jin Ke should help Eddie get an A in the English class,
Jin Ke would definitely bring the followings collections:
The complete stories by Ernest Hemingway, the complete
works by Mark Twain, the complete collection of William
Shakespeare, etc¡.
Jin Ke¡¯s efforts did not bear fruits immediately. Eddie
was not so eager to absorb all the knowledge into his
brain. Jin Ke, in order to fulfil his promise to Sky to
get Eddie a good grade, often had to resort to doing some
of Eddie¡¯s homework himself.
As an immortal, Jin Ke knew so many things, if not more
than Shiang Chin Fei or Tang Shan, certainly far more than
Alan, Chen Jun or those police officers.
Knowing a lot, however, could be a disadvantage, since Jin
Ke would frequently mix things up.
So when he was supposed to help Eddie write an essay in
English on the civilization in ancient Europe, he wrote it
in an old Germanic language, Ingvaeonic.
Eddie did not even get a D- for that essay. He only got
two words from his teacher on his paper: A CATASTROPHE!
Even Alan did better than that!
Jin Ke¡¯s explanation was that Eddie¡¯s teacher did not
know enough to understand his elegant compositions. To
that, Eddie could not agree more.
So, despite all the help he was getting from his fellow
Dragon Shadowers, Eddie, except for getting A¡¯s
consistently in Chinese, continued to receive D¡¯s or
even F¡¯s across the board on the other subjects through
his first two years at Newton High,
¡
At the end of Eddie¡¯s second year at Newton High,
Principal Kington decided to go over his students¡¯
records himself.
Principal Kington¡¯s objective was to make every student
in the school excel in academics, therefore,
Eddie¡¯s records made him frown. He immediately sent an
ultimatum to Eddie:
Be at the Principal¡¯s office tomorrow at 9am.
Principal Kington marked on his calendar: Saturday,
May 28, 9am, appointment with Eddie.
It was bad news for Eddie, who had planned to have a
marathon break-dancing session all day with Fei Hung and
other friends.
Eddie tried very hard to think of ways to get out of the
appointment. In fact he engaged 20000000 times more brain
cells in trying to get out of the appointment than he used
in any of his classes.
He finally decided that the best way was to find a
replacement for himself. It was very easy for him to do
so, even if the principal used DNA tests, he could still
not tell the difference!
Eddie was very pleased with the idea.
Who could be the replacement testee?
Tang Shan and Shiang Chin Fei were out of question. The
police officers were all away¡Sky, Kei Ying, Tsao Siu-Yin,
Commander Lan would have been good, but their hair styles
needed some modifications¡
That left Eddie only one choice.
¡
It was half past ten. Principal Kington had been waiting
in his office for more than an hour and half. He was very
disappointed, and upset, that Eddie had failed to show up
on time.
Suddenly the door to his office opened, and a person
walked in,¡
He was dressed in leather pants and a golden
crocodile-skin jacket. He had a shiny fancy necklace
around his neck, and had obviously had his hair
highlighted recently.
COOL emanated from him: The way he walked in, the smile he
had on his lips, ¡
Principal Kington¡¯s heart skipped a beat when he first
saw the person. Then a rage burned inside him so
furiously, that he did not notice that the person looked
somewhat older than Eddie.
"It¡¯s 10:30, Eddie. You are LATE!" Principal
Kington bellowed in the person¡¯s face. "And what
are you trying to do here? My office is not a runway for
your fashion show."
"Of course one had to take a shower and change into
some decent clothes before a meeting like this." The
person replied calmly. "I am here, am I not?"
His voice was deep, magnetic, and COOL.
Principal Kington was almost overwhelmed by anger. He told
himself, "Breathe, keep breathing!"
After taking 300 deep breaths, the principal noticed that
the person appeared to be older¡
"Eddie you look different. You look older."
"It¡¯s all because of you. I had to stay up all
night to prepare for this appointment." The person
replied impatiently. "Here I am. Let¡¯s not waste
any time, shall we? What do you want?"
500 more deep breaths later, the principal finally was
able to utter another word.
"I am going to give you a test. If you don¡¯t pass
the test, you have to repeat your second year, " said
Principal Kington in a threatening tone.
"COOL!" said the person, unconcerned.
"First question, who wrote the longest day in
literature, Ulysses?"
"Juice, James Juice!" The testee answered
without hesitation. "Squeezed, not crushed."
Principal Kinton almost fell out of his chair.
"Translate this phrase ¡®Quand tu descendras du ciel¡¯
into English."
The testee replied confidently, "You will go down
canned in a cell."
Principal Kington bit his own tongue. "My oh my, am I
still alive?"
"Please state the full name of the composer who
composed the most famous 4-note symphony opening, ¡®dit
dit dit daanh,¡¯ and who defined the term
Kunstvereinigung."
For the first time, the testee appeared to be in some sort
of contemplation. "Beethoven, Beethoven¡ the
full name? ¡ the full name¡ Yes! I¡¯ve got it!
Mini Van Beethoven!"
Principal Kington let out a loud cry, and threw his
computer mouse with full force at the testee in front of
him.
The computer mouse traveled the following path:
It left the principal¡¯s hand, in a straight line toward
the testee¡¯s head, since it did not encounter any other
force, and gravity did not take any immediate effect yet.
Based on Newton¡¯s first law of motion: A force is
required to set an object in motion. It will
continue to move in a straight line unless another force
act on it.
The computer mouse continued in a straight line until it
was redirected by another force, a force exerted by the
left foot of the testee.
According to Newton's Second Law of Motion: When a force
acts on a body, it produces an acceleration which is
proportional to the magnitude of the force.
The computer mouse hence accelerated in its new direction,
and headed back toward the principal and eventually
reached the principal¡¯s head.
The principal¡¯s head generated a force which knocked the
computer mouse away. However, according to Newton's Third
Law of Motion: If a Body A exerts a force on Body B, Body
B always exerts an equal and opposite force on Body A.
The principal himself was knocked out of the chair by the
opposite force exerted by the computer mouse. He crashed
into the ground, and hundreds of papers and books fell on
top of him.
The testee remained composed the whole time. He merely
shrugged at the principal, who was struggling to get up.
With a smile, he exited the room, still graceful, and
COOL¡
2 days later, Eddie received the formal notice from the
school to repeat the grade.
Eddie regretted that upon receiving the principal¡¯s
ultimatum on May 27th he went to Sky, who subsequently
gave Jin Ke an ultimatum instead, "You got Eddie an F
on that civilization paper last time, this time you must
redeem yourself."
"I could have done better myself," Eddie
thought. But it was all too late.
However, Eddie did learn one important lesson: "One
should never, ever, hire a replacement killer, oops, a
replacement testee."
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