1.
IF Sky was the most composed, most level-headed resident
at the Dragon Shadows, then Chen Jun and Alan had to be
the exact opposite of Sky. Not only were they both
impatient, they were impetuous and hot-tempered as well.
No one knew this fact better than Wong Kei Ying who,
despite the fact of being a remarkable martial artist and
herbal doctor, and one of the famous Ten Tigers of Canton,
was known most of the time only as the father of someone
called Wong Fei Hung.
It was a rather hot, unpleasant summer afternoon, but Wong
Kei Ying was in an unusually merry mood. His 12-year-old
son, Wong Fei Hung, was away in a Boy Scouts Summer Camp.
Finally a day without having to treat a child who would
get a black eye because of his own son, no wonder Kei Ying
was in a good mood.
Life is not easy for a single father. Wong Kei Ying
appreciated every minute of being alone, without any
disturbances from that little monkey of his. Sometimes Kei
Ying wondered why none of his good traits had been passed
onto his son: For example, he himself had big, bright
eyes, but Fei Hung did not! He himself had long slender
fingers, but Fei Hung did not! He himself was rather
musical, but Fei Hung was, much to his dismay, completely
tone-deaf! The more he looked at Fei Hung, the more he
considered it a miracle that the boy actually came from
his own blood.
Tang Shan, a UK-educated medicine man, once explained to
Kei Ying that certain things called genes determine oneÌs
looks and behaviors, and these genes are passed on from
one generation to the next. However once a while a
phenomenon, which is termed "genetic mutation"
in the modern biological sciences, can occur. Once
mutations take place, it is highly possible that the genes
passed on to the child turn out to be different from
those of his parents, and as a result the child does not
necessarily resemble his father. Kei Ying could only hope
that these so-called mutations in his son were not all
bad. "At least Fei Hung's Kung Fu is quite
good," Kei Ying comforted himself with the thought,
"like father, like son."
On this hot summer afternoon, Kei Ying was looking forward
to having a good, cozy, candle-lit dinner all by himself.
With Fei Hung around, it was practically impossible for
Kei Ying to enjoy his food during a meal. It's not because
Kei Ying was a bad cook. Indeed he was an excellent chef,
even his colleague and friend Dr. Yang, the legendary Iron
Monkey himself, commended on his cooking skills many
times. He could never enjoy his meals only because he
constantly had to remind his son of the proper dinner
table manners, "Fei Hung, you have to chew 28 times
before you can swallow!" "Roast duck is not good
for you, you should eat some more Tofu." "Do not
play with your chopsticks. They are not swords."
Something like that.
Kei Ying cast his eyes on a thick cookbook, the Very Best
of French Cuisine. The book was a gift from some of
his colleagues after a successful demonstration of his
amazing acupuncture skills at a conference for medical
researchers. They had found out from Dr. Yang that
Kei Ying was great not only with a surgical knife, but
also with a kitchen knife.
Kei Ying turned to page 727, Menu du jour: Mille-Feuilles
de Poisson (A thousand layers of fish).
This looked very interesting. Kei Ying happened to have
all the ingredients: cod filet he just purchased from the
morning market, tomatoes, lettuce, salt, pepper, white
wine vinegar, lemon juice, butter...
All that was missing was a bottle of fine wine to go with
the fish. And Kei Ying just ran out of his last bottle of
white wine three days ago when he invited Tang Shan and
Nan Lan to dinner!
2.
Kei Ying would have liked to go to Bean Town himself to
get the wine, but he had several patients scheduled for
the afternoon. He remembered that Alan mentioned he would
be in Bean Town on some errands that day, so he dialed
AlanÌs cell phone number.
"Alan, I need you to do me a favor. I need some white
wine, maybe a ...
Alan's loud voice was heard as Kei Ying was finishing up
his own sentence with "bottle of 2-year-old French
Bordeaux would do".
"OK! Sure!" said Alan.
At that exact moment Kei Ying heard a loud noise from the
other end of the line and then he heard Alan cursed. Kei
Ying winced, "WhatÌs that?"
Alan said, "Nothing, just bumped into a curb."
"You are driving!?"
"Yeah sure!"
"But doesnÌt the law say you cannot use a cell
phone while driving?"
"DonÌt worry, I used to be a cop."
Kei Ying was starting to regret that he had asked Alan for
the favor. But, it would not be very nice to take it back.
"So you will get the wine for me?"
"No problem."
Before Kei Ying could even say thanks, Alan said, "Gotta
go," then hang up.
"I wonder if Alan would remember," Kei Ying
asked himself. The first patient for the afternoon had
just showed up, he had to quit thinking about the wine and
focus on the patient.
3.
The "Mille-Feuilles de Poisson" had gone
completely mushy! The candles burned out. The clock just
struck 8. Still no wine.
4.
Kei Ying could not believe his eyes as he watched Chen Jun
busy carrying cases of bottles into his room.
Chen Jun finally finished moving the last case of bottles
of what appeared to be at least 300 bottles of wine.
"All done." He gave Kei Ying a hearty laugh, his
young innocent face as bright as the hot summer sun.
"Alan could not make it, so he called me to get the
wine for you instead. Here is the bill."
Kei YingÌs pupils suddenly dilated, and his heart
stopped beating for almost half a minute as he looked at
the 30-page bill. Only two things on the bill were visible
to him, "Total, $632,003!"
It took Kei Ying another full minute to finally manage to
stand upright again. He clenched his teeth, and with
a great degree of difficulty mouthed out several words,
"Why so many bottles?"
Failed to notice that Kei Ying had gone completely pale,
Chen Jun started recounting his story enthusiastically,
"Oh, you see, I did not know there were so many kinds
of white wines. German, Chilian, French, California,
Australian, Italian...Then from each country there are so
many different kinds as well... I did not know which ones
you would like. Fortunately So Chan dropped by the wine
shop to get some stuff for himself. You know, he knows
everything about wines. So I asked him about it and he
just said, hey, why don't you just get one of each?
And I thought, yeah! ThatÌs a great idea. Why not
get them all? So I cleared half of the wine shop. "
Chen Jun said laughingly, apparently quite proud of his
deed.
"So Chan!"
Kei Ying could not believe that Chen Jun actually listened
to So Chan, the notorious Beggar So famous for having
alcohol, instead of blood, running through his veins. He
was drunk most of the time, and even when he was in his
most sober state, he would still be 3 times more drunk
than an average drunk person. Kei Ying immediately
realized the grave nature of the situation: Beggar So must
have been very drunk, even with the beggar's own criteria,
when he told Chen Jun to get "one bottle of
each" at the wine shop.
"But... How could it be $632,003?" 300 bottles
of wines were a lot, but sometimes you could get them at 6
bucks per bottle.
Chen Jun pondered for a while. Math was not something he
was very good at. "Oh, I remember now. So Chan
recommended to me some wines that he said were the best in
the world. They must cost a little more!" There was
nothing wrong with Chen Jun's rational thinking. .
Kei Ying took 20 deep breaths, and looked at the bill more
closely,
"A bottle of 20-year-old Chateau Ch--- Blanc, ,
Premier Grand Cru Classe (A)- $900
A bottle of 50-year-old Chateau HÛB--, Cru
Exceptionnel, Magnum- $1750
A bottle of 60-year-old...
75- year-old...
150-year-old..."
The list went on and on...
Before Kei Ying could finish the list, Chen Jun suddenly
exclaimed, " Oh, I almost forgot." He ran out,
and when he came back, he produced 3 plastic bags,
"So Chan also recommended these, mmmh... these...
All-Der-Woo," said Chen Jun as he took out many
neatly packaged small jars from those bags. It took the
dazed Kei Ying some 20 minutes to realize that Chen Jun
intended to say Hors D'oeuvre, and all of those jars
contained Foie Gras and Caviar.
Kei Ying's visions started to blur once again as sweat
quietly rolled down his forehead and seeped into his eyes.
He thought bitterly, "Where am I going to find the
money to pay for this?! I still have to save money for Fei
Hung's college tuition!"
"How did you pay for the whole thing?" Kei Ying
was surprised himself that he could still muster a smile
at Chen Jun, though his smile would look quite frightening
to any person other than Chen Jun. Kei Ying was aware of a
specific fact: "Chen Jun is a bull-dog, a fire ball.
Messing with him? He would explode and you would get
burned pretty badly."
Not to mention that Chen Jun at this moment looked so
sweet, so innocent...
Kei Ying sighed, "It is not really his fault.That
drunk beggar..."
"The shop owner said you are a trusted customer, so
he just charged your credit, that's it," said Chen
Jun in an upbeat voice, oblivious of Kei Ying's shaky
voice and pale ashen face. "He is such a nice
guy."
Apparently Chen Jun had not learned the No. 1 Principle in
economics: "If you spent $632,003 at a wine
shop, the shop owner would not be mean to you."
As Chen Jun marched off in high spirits, Kei Ying
collapsed into the living room sofa.
5.
Kei Ying, despite all his good virtues, after all, was
still a human being. Being a human means he could not be
perfect. Being not perfect means he had flaws. His biggest
weakness was that he could not stand the thought of
embarrassing himself in front of his own son. Some time
ago, when a starving Kei Ying could not stop craving for a
dirty bun lying peacefully on the ground, the main thought
he had in his mind was, "What if Fei Hung sees me
pick up that bun?"
Staring at those hundreds of bottles, Kei Ying shuddered
at the thought of returning them along with jars of All-der-Woo
to the wine shop in front of everyone: what an expression
everyone would have on their face? What would people say?
What would they tell Fei Hung? Your father cannot afford
some caviar?
Ah... Human frailties...
6.
The next day, Kei Ying's clinic was closed. A sign outside
the door read that the herbal doctor had some personal
emergencies to take care of and he would be back in 2
days. Kei Ying was seen arriving at the Bean Town Space
Center and boarding an auto-piloted space shuttle heading
to an unknown destination. He returned two days
later, although the flight log was lost due to an apparent
computer glitch.
7.
The day after the day Wong Kei Ying took his leave:
Breaking news in the United Stars Windy City Tribune. The
headlines read: Capone's Associates Assaulted, Illegal
Gambling Profits Confiscated
"The Windy City Police Force last night responded to
an emergency call from a concerned hotel guest staying at
the luxurious Downtown Lexington Hotel who reported that
he had heard some loud noises from the room above. Upon
arriving at the scene, the police found that three men,
known to be associated with Windy CityÌs No.1
Underground Lord AL Capone, lying unconscious in Capone's
pent-house suite, with FOOTPRINTS all over their bodies.
The police seized a suitcase full of money notes of
$5,000,000, believed to be profits obtained from a series
of illegal gambling operations by the gang. The police
told the reporters that another suitcase with $5,000,000
was missing, and that they also found at the scene a
mysterious sketch of a smiling monkey believed to have
been left behind by the assailant, who is still at
large."
Selective headlines quoted from other major newspapers in
the following days:
"Capone sabotaged by the Iron Monkey?" US Today
speculated.
"The Iron Monkey Returns!" NY Time exclaimed.
8. Aftermath:
11 Days later:
In the Front Page of the Windy City Tribune: A Dynasty's
Downfall
"The infamous crime lord AL Capone, who had operated
underground liquor smuggling, gambling, and many other
illegal businesses in the Windy City, and had successfully
eluded the law enforcement for more than twenty years, was
arrested yesterday at his Lake Michigan summer vacation
mansion. He was indicted under the charges for failing to
file federal income tax on his gambling profits for the
last three years."
In the City section: A spokesperson for a homeless shelter
told the reporter that ten days ago the shelter received a
generous donation total at $4,367,997 from an anonymous
philanthropist.
Kei Ying's answering machine recorded 54 messages from an
exasperated Dr. Yang on the same day the Capone case was
first reported in the Bean Town Globe.
Kei YingÌs son, Fei Hung, came home from his summer
camp to find his bedroom had become a makeshift wine
cellar.
Kei Ying has not asked Alan or Chen Jun to run any errands
whatsoever for him since.
Kei Ying refused to speak to Beggar So for several light
months.
Based on Kei Ying's modest wine-consumption rate, it would
have taken him 20 years 39 days to finish drinking those
wines. However, although repeatedly warned by Kei
Ying that he should never listen to Beggar So, Fei Hung
would eventually end up becoming Beggar SoÌs prot»g»
and at the same time taking on his masterÌs bad
drinking habit, for which Fei Hung would be bestowed a
"glamorous" title, "the Drunken
Master." As a consequence Kei YingÌs wine
collection would be exhausted 12 years 6 months and 7 days
ahead of the schedule.
Meanwhile, half a galaxy away in the United Stars
Penitentiary at Alcatraz, AL Capone would constantly think
about his good old days. Even in his wildest dreams, the
man who had made a fortune on smuggling booze could not
have imagined that it was an event revolving around a
similar liquid that had led to his downfall.
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